HELIOGABALUS aka Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, Roman Emperor, born (d: 222); Heliogabalis, also known as Elagabalus, the boy emperor of Rome, appears to have been a total madcap, if not completely mad.

His great love of swishing ceremony, inherited centuries later by the Roman Catholic Church, can only be suggested in the space available here. Since even madcap Gay Roman emperors were expected to produce an heir, a suitable bride was chosen for him, and he went through with the motions of consummation, finding it all rather futile.

But he was impressed with the ceremony itself and later went through it twice in one night, choosing as his “husband” a well-hung charioteer named Gorianus, and as his “wife” a boy named Hierocles. His wedding night with both was consummated in full public view. He had the makings of a great theatrical producer and virtually invented the casting call by sending out his agents to round up for audition the men with the largest penises in the Roman empire.

Eventually his enemies dispatched him with a sword up his bum and dumped his body in the sewer. He was just sweet seventeen.