On unusual intimacies

20080324_deb_2 "Kurt K is a relationship Deb, I don’t care what you say! A very unusual relationship" My friend Carl tells me, as we sit across the coffee table on a lazy Ohio Sunday evening. I silently smile and sip my herbal tea.

I have always had unusual relationships! Ones where the boundaries between sexual, spiritual and emotional intimacy are often blurred. Some move on to become sisters, and we spend hours of free cell phone minutes between Akron, New York or San-Francisco. Some choose to become brothers, doing brunches and drinks on weekends, as we text each other our daily updates. And then there is Mr.K! always emotionally unavailable and yet so effusive and sexually drawn to me.

We cruised each other at a restroom in my school twelve years ago. I was 22, and for the first time in my life thousands of mile away from my ma and baba (mum and dad in Bengali). I had read about Superman being tall, white, blonde with blue eyes. In my world Kurt K is my superman! One who saved me from the drudgery of being a foreign student in a medium sized city in Rustbelt USA.

"What do you get into?" I had nervously asked him. His naughty blue eyes twinkled as he replied with his goofy smile "Well I am into kink!". The rest is history my dear friends. From frat bats to leather paddles, from gag masks to tight ropes we had used it all and done it in every possible corner of his house. Yet we were never boyfriends! I fantasize him as one, but never made a move. I knew I was never going to live in Akron, and there was a plethora of lovers waiting for me in New York. And over my eight years of colorful sex life in New York, I have not felt the same physical comfort and trust with another man!

We have become friends over the years. Spending time after our play dates, sipping Scotch and tonic or home brewed beer. He tells me how amazing our trust level is, and how much he gets excited to see me. I ask him about his current boyfriends, "You know I would like to meet him one day" I say. Such is the nature of our intimacy.

Undefined, unchartered! And yet I know millions of Gay/Queer/Trans men are on this path with me. Together we are creating a whole new world of love and desire.

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