This is from my old friend, David Mixner:
- -If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a "token hire."
-If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a "game changer."
- -Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America.
-White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."
- -If you name you kid Barack you’re "unpatriotic."
-Name your kid Track, you’re "colorful."
- -If you’re a black single mother of 4 who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you’re an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child.
-But if you’re a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you’re spunky.
- -If you’re a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you "First dog."
-If you’re a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you "beautiful" and "courageous."
- -If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents.
-If you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
- -If you kill an endangered species, you’re an excellent hunter.
-If you have an abortion you’re not a Christian, you’re a murderer (forget about if it happens while being date raped.)
- -If you grow up in Hawaii you’re "exotic."
-Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you’re the quintessential "American story."
- -If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you’re "reckless."
-A Republican who doesn’t fully vet is a "maverick."
- – If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an "arrogant celebrity".
-If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are "energizing the base".
- -If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are "presumptuous".
-If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a "shoot from the hip" maverick.
- -If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are "an elitist-out of touch" with the real America.
– If you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Annapolis, with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a "hero."
- – If you strategize and manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign defeating more tenured politicians, you are an "empty suit".
-If you were a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an "experienced executive".
- -If you go to a largely African American south side Chicago church, your beliefs are "extremist".
– If you believe in creationism, don’t believe global warming is affected by human activity, and see the Iraq invasion as "a mission from God", you are "strongly principled".
- -If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years and raised 2 beautiful daughters, you’re "risky".
-If you left your wife after cheating on her with a rich heiress, whom you married the next month, you’re a Christian.
- -If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African American voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 3 years in the United States Senate representing a state of almost 13 million people, sponsoring 129 bills and cosponsoring 545 bills, and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you are "inexperienced".
- -If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, have traveled to 3 foreign countries, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska National Guard of 4,000 members, you are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia then you’ve got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket.
…you know….just askin’…