Jesse’s Journal

Hospital
Visitation: A Daily Struggle for LGBT Couples

 
 
HospitalHands Every day, same-sex couples must fight for the basic rights that
straight
married couples take for granted.  One of those basic rights is the
right
to visit your partner in the hospital.  Michael and I are fortunate to
live
in Broward County, a progressive county in the mostly conservative state
of
Florida. Broward has a Domestic Partners ordinance which, among other
things, guarantees the right of domestic partners to visit their loved
ones in
the hospital.During the last year, Michael and I had to be
hospitalized
in separate occasions: Michael in the Cleveland Clinic in March and I in
Broward
General in June. (Happily, neither hospital visit lasted for more than a

day or so.) In either case, our partner was allowed unlimited access
into
the hospital’s emergency room to be with our loved one.

 
Unfortunately, other couples were not so fortunate. During the
height of
the AIDS epidemic, too many men were forcibly kept away
from
their dying lovers by hospitals and hospices who did not recognize their

relationships. Just last year, partners Janice Langbehn and Lisa Pond
experienced homophobia first hand when Pond suffered an aneurysm during a

Florida vacation. When Pond was rushed to Jackson Memorial Hospital in
Miami, Langbehn and her children were denied access to Pond because (in
the
hospital’s opinion) she wasn’t a “real” family member. As a result,
Pond
died alone, in spite of the fact that she and Langbehn had living wills,

advanced directives and power-of-attorney documents. This didn’t
matter,
according to a heartless hospital worker, who allegedly told Langbehn
that she
was in an “antigay city and state.” (This might be true of the State of

Florida, but not of the City of Miami.) Langbehn, not surprisingly,
sued
the hospital.

 
 
Obviously an incident like this one does nothing for Jackson’s
reputation,
especially when one considers the hospital’s current financial
problems. To their credit, officials from the Jackson Health System (JHS) dealt
with the
resulting brouhaha by meeting with a coalition of local LGBT
organizations,
including SAVE Dade (Safeguarding American Values for Everyone), to
solve this
pressing (and embarrassing) issue. The end result of these
negotiations,
announced on April 12, was a change of policy for JHS that gave the
same-sex
partners of lesbian, bisexual and gay patients the same visiting rights
as
heterosexual spouses.  Jackson redefined its definition of “family” to
include people who are not legally related to the patient, including
“spouses,
domestic partners and both different-sex and same-sex significant
others.” 
Meanwhile, “while this is a positive step for the LGBT community in
South
Florida, the work to implement fair visitation policies throughout the
rest of
South Florida and across the state is far from over,” announced SAVE
Dade.
 
 
Kathleen_Sebelius Coincidentally, on April 15th President Barack Obama, who’s having
his own
problems with his LGBT constituents, issued a memorandum that calls for
an end
to discriminatory policies that limit hospital visitation to legal
spouses and
immediate family members
.  The president directed Health and Human
Services
Secretary Kathleen Sebelius to “ensure” that hospitals that participate
in
Medicare and Medicaid (that is, most hospitals) “respect the rights of
patients
to designate visitors” and allow those visitors the same privileges that
married
spouses and legitimate children take for granted. The memo makes no
mention of assisted living facilities.) Obama then called Janice
Langbehn,
to express his sympathy and apologize for the injustice done to her and
her dead
partner. “I hope that taking these steps makes sure that no family every
has to
experience the nightmare that my family has gone though,” she replied.
 
 
Clay and Harold - Sonoma Unfortunately, the fight is far from over. Two years ago Clay
Greene
and Harold Scull
(at the left), an elderly couple living in “liberal” Sonoma County,
California, were forcibly separated when Scull fell and became
incapacitated. Though the couple had provided for such an emergency,
the
County refused to recognize their relationship.
It got a judge to
declare
Greene – who had allegedly acted violently against Scull – mentally
incompetent,
placed both men in separate facilities, gained the power of
conservatorship from
a sympathetic judge, and then proceeded to take over, sell or keep the
couple’s
belongings.  Through it all, Greene was not allowed to visit Scull, who
died in August 2008. Needless to say, Greene is now suing the
County.
 
 
Cases like this remind us that we must keep vigilant and
ever-active in our
struggle for the rights of same-sex couples. Horror stories like these
will not cease until and unless lesbian and gay couples achieve the same
rights
that straight married couples now have, whether in Florida, California,
or
across these United States.
 
 
Jesse Monteagudo (jesssemonteagudo@aol.com)
is a
freelance writer and regular contributor.

NY Times Lesbian Alerts

Ellen-degeneresSome editor in the Sunday edition of the Times Entertainment section ought to be slapped for allowing Allesandra Stanley's comments about Ellen Degeneres to get printed. I quote:

"Ellen Degeneres leaves no opportunity untapped, not even a few seconds of chat on "American Idol." 

And then Ms. Allesandra goes immediately to a clever comment Ellen happened to make to Casey James about how, "for most women, their hearts are going to start racing just looking at you, right, but then for people like me…" She paused, holding the beat while judges and audience members tittered over the implied allusion to her being a lesbian. As the laughter swelled, Ms. Degeneres held up a finger, prolonging the joke with a knowing grin…delivered the punchline: "…blondes…"

Yeah…Allesandra?…that's called being clever. Not "taking every opportunity to make sure everyone knows she's a lesbian."

Frankly, the joke seems to be on Ms. Allesandra, who goes on to talk about how, whenever possible, Ellen makes comments about the performers outfits. And this is yet another way for her to make the point that she is a lesbian! 

Really!? I mean really?…if only! Ellen is perhaps the most un-in-your-face gay person anyone would ever hope to see (or not hope to see, frankly). Honestly, I wish she was a lot more out about it all. 

I'm sorry, but if that isn't outright, garden-variety homophobic (and some kind of me-thinks-she-doth-protest-too-much latency on Ms. Allesandra's part, one can only suspect) it's just plain stupid. And it is so typically hetero-stupid… Kara what's-her-name (had anyone ever heard of her before she was on this show?) is drooling all over blond boy-toy Casey James and no one seems to think that's making some kind of issue about her sexual preferences. She sits there and paws Simon Cowell and rubs up against him every few seconds or so. To say nothing of Simon making all kinds of homo innuendos to that Ken-doll cypher-host (I can never remember his name.) and no one's writing Sunday features about all the displays of heterosexual heat on American Idol.

But should Ellen make a comment about an outfit one of the performers is wearing (you know…like Randy Jackson manages to do every now and then with his 15 word vocabulary of "dog" "dude" "pitchy" "cool" and "you know what I'm sayin'?" and then he blurts out something about "the outfit you're working") and suddenly this is, in Ms. Allessandra's world "a quick way to remind the audience that [Ellen] is a lesbian."

Because, you know, only gay people are fashion conscious, right?My friend Jerry in Salt Lake City said he thought it was the kind of article he'd only see in the Salt Lake City papers, not the New York Times (which, for the record, didn't see fit to even use the term "gay" until 1987.)

Whatever. Someone needs to throw some cold water on Allessandra Stanley…I think she's getting the hots for Ellen.

What an utterly sophomoric piece of writing.

Theater History

AN EVENING WITH MARIO MONTEZ, DRAG SUPERSTAR
Lola Mario Linda
 (left to right: Lola Pashalinski, Mario Montez, Linda Chapman)
…the great drag Superstar who reigned over the New York Underground film and
theater scene from the early 1960s until the mid-1970s.

Presented by the NYU Tisch Department of Performance Studies

Mario Montez and Marc Siegel (he is a Berlin based archivist and found Mario in
Orlando Fl and invited him to the Berlin Film Festival when the Jack Smith documentary
was being shown in 2009…)

in conversation with Ela Troyano and Lola Pashalinski

Tuesday April 6th
7 to 8:30PM

Free.

34 Stuyvesant Street
The Barney Building
Einstein Auditorium
New York City

Seating is limited and is on a first come basis. Please arrive early.

This is a historical event .. two
authentic legends talking about the creation of underground theater ,,,off off
Broadway .. and the queerness of the Ridiculous Theater company etc.. Mario is
75 and Lola ageless so who knows when next they will be in the same place
chatting about history, He worked with Jack Smith and Warhol as well  in Vain Victory, She was an original
Ridiculous Theater member and most recently played Gertrude Stein

Why Ricky Martin Matters

So a closeted Gay kid growing up in Caracas, Managua or Corpus Christi, Texas, just got another model for living his life openly. That model is Ricky Martin. And unlike the hundreds highlighted by our global media, Martin shares a language and culture with that closeted Gay kid.

RickyMartin Ricky Martin has come out of the closet and a lot of the commentary around the internet and blogosphere mirrored that of Nathan Lane's anti-climactic coming out years ago.  I recall a comedian at that time commenting that Lane's disclosure amounted to "tea leaves" that did not need to be read.  Certainly Lane, already known for playing flamboyantly Gay characters, didn't surprise many.  But we brush these statements aside at our peril: the peril of hardening ourselves to jade.  In Lane's case it was a long path that included a mother who reportedly told him she preferred him dead than gay.  Lane came out when he could and that decision was his to make.  He hurt no one by his timing.  In Martin's case he has said he came out now because he has two kids and didn't want them to live with that kind of duplicity.  On a side note I'm struck at how Martin, like another prominent singer long-rumoured to be Gay, chose to be honest because of his kids.  I'm speaking of the American Idol contestant-singer Clay Aiken's who came out because he didn't want to lie to his children.  It's as if they reached a threshold where the containment units of the closet couldn't hold anymore.  I think we can all relate to that if we're honest.

But what many comments in the English language press (and internet) don't get is how much of a big deal Ricky Martin's coming out is for Latin America and for Latino GLBT people.  I can't think of a popular Latin-American entertainer with Martin's track record to come out of the closet like this.

Now that last statement might hit some people in the United States as funny.

"Prominent?" "Livin' La Vida Loca dude?"  "Menudo guy is 'prominent'?"  "Har Har."

I realize that in the United States' he's basically known for Menudo and Livin La Vida Loca. But consider for a moment that Ricky Martin has sold more than 60 million albums in his career.  Ponder that figure for a minute.  Those are albums.  Not singles.  That's more albums than Christina Aguilera's sold worldwide.  This isn't "Livin' La Vida Loca" one-hit wonder territory.  He's an enormous star in most other parts of the world.  In 1998 Martin was chosen to sing the anthem of the FIFA World Cup. That recording of "The Cup of Life"/"La Copa de la Vida" reached number one on the charts in 60 countries.  I bet you've never heard this song before.  Probably because the United States, not being a soccer-playing country, wasn't among those 60 countries.  But this is all to say that he was a huge star in Latin America and Europe before he appeared in the American consciousness and continues to be for rest of the world.

Some of the response to his coming out reveals the real ignorance on the part of many people in this country about Latino subjects or continents beyond Europe and the Northern half of North America.  And it's this lacuna of understanding by many in this country that reveals to me why his coming out is so important for Gay Latinos in this culture.  It provides one proud out Gay person of color for those of us who are not helped by a monoracial or monocultural understanding of what it means to be gay.  This paltry understanding was brought home for me a few days ago by a comment I read in response to Martin's coming out.  Something to effect that the story made him hear Lucille Ball's voice intone "Riiicky" from the old "I Love Lucy" show.  The "Ricky" in that case was the character of "Ricky Ricardo", played by Desi Arnaz.  Not surprising really because in my experience as a Gay Latino man, I can attest to the fact that for many non-Latino people, gay and straight a like, there are few Latinos in the popular consciousness.  If you're Cuban, your very existence evinces in word-association are to Ricky Ricardo/Desi Arnaz, or the Italian-American Al Pacino's Scarface impression.  It's pretty much the same for other Latino nationalities.  If you're Gay and Latino the circle pretty much shrinks to nothing.

A little side story to make my point:  When I came out of the closet in that far-ago time of the early 1990s, my mother struggled mightily with the announcement.  While she has come a long way and become supportive of me and my partner, at the time it was hard for her to come around to it.  Certainly there was the religious bias and misinformation.  But a big part of it was cultural.  I've written before about the feeling my mother had that my being "Gay" was some weird American thing.  Like a virus I'd picked up here.  I believe the turning point for her was coming to understand what my "being Gay" meant.  Which for her happened when she was able to connect my "being Gay" with the many Cuban intellectual and cultural figures she knew and loved.  People like Ernesto Lecuona and Lezama Lima. 

Looking at the public impressions of out Gay culture at the time my mother could be forgiven for thinking that there were no Gay Latinos in existence.  I can only remember Pedro Zamora, the Latino character on MTV's The Real World who had HIV and became an AIDS educator.  The situation hasn't improved that much in the insuing years.  For someone of Ricky Martin's starpower to come out makes a difference for people trying to ground their understanding of what it means to be Gay in a Latino context.

I also love the fact that Ricky Martin came out of his own accord.  There was no George Michael-like tea-room sting, no spurned lover suing him for support.  Martin chose his own moment to speak his own truth.  He also wrote eloquently about his timing and his decision to be honest.  I'll let his own words speak for themselves:

"Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment. These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed … I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am,"

"Many people told me: 'Ricky it's not important,' 'it's not worth it,' 'all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse,' 'many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature.' Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions,"

Know that these eloquent statements have been translated and read and talked about in Spanish throughout Latin America.  So a closeted Gay kid growing up in Caracas, Managua or Corpus Christi, Texas, just got another model for living his life openly.  That model is Ricky Martin.  And unlike the hundreds highlighted by our global media, Martin shares a language and culture with that closeted Gay kid.  Martin has created music that this closeted kid and his family have danced to for years.  Martin has been a source of pride for Latino people — you don't get the FIFA gig for being some washed up musician.   A lot of Gay Latino people just received a point of pride and identification of sorts.  May he emboldened more people to come out of the closet and live openly.  This is an incredibly important thing that has just happened.

Good for him.

Facebooking with Pain!

18066_245702128035_520178035_3407579_3691383_n Often pain flows into my Facebook Page

Sometimes pain simply shows up at work unannounced!

Often he is wearing clothes of lovers buried long ago

Often he reminds me of the KS patches on my body

Often she reminds me of partying habits, hearts broken, lost
places, and towns

Often pain creeps into my sleep, gently he hugs me

Lost childhood pictures

Lost wages

Lost little Midwestern towns…

 

“A whole new life awaits you!”

My mother tells me over the phone

It is difficult to keep hope alive Mum! I say

For now, medical bills, attorney fees, broken hope adorns my
love chest!

A Skeptic Comes Out

RandiPeople may or may not be aware of the magician and professional skeptic, The Amazing Randi, but he has recently decided to come out and we think it's a fascinating conversation…listen here. He comes out as a gay man and has a rather nice conversation about it with the interviewer. He has always been a personal favorite of mine, a debunker of scams shams and magical thinking, including the $1,000,000 Paranormal Challenge...which has yet to be awarded.

I can't help but wonder if the caricature portrait of Arthur C. Clarke (another gay man and long-time White Crane subscriber) in the background on the right might be an old boyfriend?

The conversation in the interview takes some interesting turns when they posit that rationalism (i.e. non-deism) might be as powerful a tool in the gay rights struggle as assimilationist gay religiosity and gay "spirituality"; Both have an interest in debunking pseudo-science (i.e. Right Wing creationism). Here's the quote:

"I think there is something that skepticism can do with homosexuality. A
lot of cultural conservatives use a kind of pseudo
science to argue against gay wrights. And people who rail against pseudo science
should want to argue against it even if it has to do with culture war
questions like gay rights. Cultural conservatives use junk science to
argue that gay parenting leads to mentally ill children.

They use fake
science to argue that being gay is not natural; t
hat homosexuality
is an aberration when in fact you find it widely among many different
species. So, in a real way I think gay issues are skeptic's issues."

D.J. Grothe, President of the James Randi Educational Foundation, the
international educational non-profit founded by celebrated social critic
and activist James Randi.

Building Connections & Community for Gay Men since 1989